So I go see my doctor because I'm not feeling well; and since I haven't seen him in a while, he talks me into a full physical. He offered me a lollipop if I was good, so I relented.

Well, he looks into my ear with that thing and finds peanut butter. He also notices that I have rice in my hair. He has me take off my shirt to listen to my heart, but before he can touch my chest with his stethoscope, he has to wipe off some hummus. Finally, he is about to check my reflexes when some lettuce falls out from behind my knee.

Standing up, he has the gall to tell me that my problem is that I am not eating right.